The Quiet Miracle of a Grandparent’s Love
Over four years ago, my world changed forever. My heart was captured by my first grandchild in a way I didn’t know was possible. Before I could even fully grasp the depth of this new love, along came my second grandchild—and just like that, my heart expanded again. It felt limitless, this love, as though there was no end to how much I could give or feel for these [...]
The Power of Reflection: A Journey to Growth and Renewal
This year has been a mosaic of moments—some triumphant, others trying, and many so fleeting they barely registered in the rush. But beneath the surface of this busy, complex year lies a wealth of insight waiting to be uncovered. Reflection is not indulgent; it’s essential. It’s the pause that allows us to process, understand, and integrate our experiences. Without it, life can feel like a blur—an endless loop of [...]
Holiday Expectations: When Perfect Plans Steal the Joy
The Weight of Holiday Expectations: Finding Peace in Imperfection The holidays are painted as a time of joy and togetherness, but for many, they come with an undercurrent of stress and disappointment. Why? Unrealistic expectations about family gatherings often create an emotional minefield. We aim for perfect meals, perfect conversations, and perfect harmony, but the truth is, life—and family—is rarely so tidy. Let’s explore why these expectations take hold, [...]
A Beginner’s Guide to Cognitive Flexibility: How to Keep an Open Mind During Uncertain Times
Let’s be honest: when the world around us feels like it’s shifting in ways we can’t control—whether it’s after an election, a new policy at work, or just the fast pace of news—it can feel a bit overwhelming. But there’s a powerful tool we can all use to help us navigate this uncertainty with less stress: *cognitive flexibility*. At its core, cognitive flexibility is all about keeping an open [...]
Building a Strong Sense of Self in Times of Social Pressure
In today’s world, it’s easy to feel swept up in societal expectations, especially during times of high social pressure. Whether from news, social media, or community conversations, the opinions and values of others can make it difficult to hear our own inner voice. Developing a strong sense of self is essential for staying grounded and resilient. Let’s explore some psychological techniques to help affirm your values and identity amid [...]
Is It Just Stress, or Something More Serious?
In a world that never seems to slow down, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. We often chalk up feelings of anxiety or exhaustion to stress, hoping they’ll pass. But how can you tell when stress is tipping over into something more serious, like anxiety or burnout? And, more importantly, what can you do about it? Recognizing the Signs Research shows that 77% of people regularly experience physical symptoms caused [...]
The Self We See vs. The True Us: How Others Shape Our Identity
Have you ever wondered if the person you think you are is the "real" you? It’s a deep question that gets to the core of human psychology and mental health. The truth is, the self we see in ourselves is often shaped by a complex mix of inner feelings, experiences, and—perhaps most surprisingly—the influence of others around us. The Mirror of Self-Perception When you think about who you are, [...]
I See You
When I was in my late teens, early twenties, long before I went to therapy, I would often get comments about being a b*tch. Actually, people didn’t say I was a b*tch, but they would say my face looked like I was. I had RBF. This caught me off guard because I didn’t feel that way inside. In fact, inside I often felt insecure and out of place. My [...]
Therapy: Vital For Mental Health
The Importance of Psychological Therapy in Mental Health Support In today's fast-paced world, taking care of our mental health is as crucial as maintaining our physical health. Just as we routinely visit the doctor for check-ups or the dentist for cleanings, regular mental health check-ins should be a standard part of our self-care routine. Psychological therapy, often simply called therapy, plays a vital role in supporting and maintaining our [...]
Choices
How Our Choices are Shaped by Our History and Emotional Responses Our choices are a complex tapestry woven from our past experiences, emotions, and learned behaviors. Every decision we make is influenced, often subtly, by our personal history and the emotions we associate with those experiences. Understanding this intricate relationship can offer profound insights into our behaviors and motivations. The Foundation of Experience Our past experiences lay the groundwork [...]
Understanding and Conquering Social Anxiety: A Guide
Social anxiety, also known as social phobia, is more than just shyness. It's a fear of social situations that can make everyday interactions feel incredibly daunting. Imagine walking into a room and feeling like all eyes are on you, judging your every move. This is a common experience for those with social anxiety. But the good news is, there are ways to manage and overcome it. What is Social [...]
How Life Coaching Therapy Can Transform Your Personal Growth
In the journey of self-discovery and personal development, navigating the complexities of life can often feel like wandering through a maze without a map. At times, we may find ourselves grappling with challenges, feeling stuck in a rut, or yearning for clarity and direction. This is where the transformative practice of life coaching therapy comes into play, offering a beacon of guidance and support on the path to personal growth. [...]
Quieting the Anxious Voices in Our Heads
We all have that little voice inside our heads. You know the one – the one that questions everything, the one that turns minor problems into catastrophes, the one that keeps you awake at night replaying conversations and imagining worst-case scenarios. These anxious voices can be incredibly intrusive, but the good news is that there are ways to quiet them down. Let's explore how to deal with these pesky [...]
Insights from a Mental Health Psychologist: Navigating Life’s Challenges
In the maze of life's challenges, our mental health often serves as the compass guiding us through. Yet, it's all too easy to lose sight of that compass amidst the chaos. This is where the expertise of a mental health psychologist shines through. Dr. Bonnie Wims, a seasoned mental health psychologist, brings forth invaluable insights and strategies to help individuals navigate life's tumultuous waters with resilience and clarity. Understanding the [...]
Is Therapy Worth the Cost?
Is Therapy Worth the Cost? Exploring the Value Amidst Other Priorities In a world where every dollar counts and financial decisions are scrutinized, choosing where to spend our money can feel like a high-stakes balancing act. Among the multiple expenses vying for attention, one question often arises: Is therapy worth the cost? It's a question that goes beyond financial considerations, probing into the realm of personal well-being and mental [...]
Exploring the Effectiveness of Online Therapy Services
In today's fast-paced world, where technology has seamlessly integrated into various aspects of our lives, it's no surprise that mental health services have also evolved to meet the demands of the digital age. Among these advancements, online therapy services have gained significant traction, offering accessible, convenient, and effective solutions for those seeking professional mental health support. In this comprehensive exploration, we delve into the effectiveness of online therapy services, shedding [...]
The Role of a Mental Health Coach in Your Wellness Journey
In the ever-evolving mental health awareness, individuals are increasingly seeking holistic approaches to wellness. While therapy and medication remain vital tools, many are discovering the profound benefits of mental health coaching. In this blog post, we delve into the role of a mental health coach in your wellness journey, exploring how they can provide guidance, support, and empowerment. As we navigate the complexities of modern life, having a trusted [...]
Breaking the Stigma: Let’s Talk About Mental Health
In a world that often celebrates physical health and strength, conversations about mental health can still be met with silence or discomfort. The stigma surrounding mental health issues persists, creating barriers to seeking help and support for those who need it most. But it's time to change that narrative. It's time to break the stigma and open up honest, compassionate discussions about mental health. First and foremost, let's acknowledge [...]
Helping a friend who may be experiencing depression or anxiety
In today's fast-paced world, it's not uncommon for people to experience feelings of depression and anxiety. For our friends who are struggling, reaching out and offering support can make a world of difference. However, sometimes our efforts may not be enough, and professional intervention becomes necessary. Referring our friends who are expressing their pain to therapy can be a crucial step in helping them navigate their mental health challenges. [...]
Effective Strategies for Managing Depression and Anxiety: Insights from Therapists
In the bustling world we live in, where demands seem to multiply by the day, it's not uncommon to find oneself battling with feelings of depression and anxiety. These mental health struggles can impact every aspect of life, from relationships to work performance and overall well-being. However, there is hope. With the guidance of mental health professionals like Dr. Bonnie Wims, individuals can learn effective strategies to manage and overcome [...]
Fight Like Hell
When I was 6 years old I had a decision to make. I could choose to accept my situation, an abusive and alcohol fueled violent home that left in its wake insecurity, trauma and worst of all, victimhood. Or I could fight like hell. I chose the latter. I remember that evening as a little girl listening to the latest rage filled tirade by my father as I cowered [...]
Understanding the Benefits of Online Mental Health Counseling
In today's fast-paced world, prioritizing mental health has become more crucial than ever before. With the rise of online mental health counseling services, such as those provided by Dr. Bonnie Wims & Associates, accessing professional support has never been easier. In this comprehensive guide, we delve into the benefits of online mental health counseling and how it can positively impact individuals seeking support for their mental well-being. Understanding Online Mental [...]
Understanding Worry and Anxiety: Symptoms and Treatment
Worry and anxiety are common experiences, but they differ in intensity, duration, and impact on daily life. Understanding the differences can help individuals recognize when these feelings may be more than just temporary concern. In this blog post, we explore the symptoms of worry and anxiety, as well as practical treatment options. Worry: - Response to stressful or uncertain situations: Worry is often a natural response to situations that [...]
A Woman’s Worth
Perhaps we’ve been set up. We women have been groomed to be of service to others. So we take up that torch and we march into battle. We cook, clean, nurture, wipe a tear, wash the clothes and keep a tidy house. We learn to get fulfillment from these tasks. We have to otherwise we would cry. We train ourselves to get jazzed up about a clean toilet or [...]
Navigating Your Career: Speaking Up and Getting What You Deserve
In today's work world, standing up for yourself and asking for what you've earned is very important. Whether you're eyeing a promotion, a fair raise, or the resources you need, speaking up can make a big difference. But, let's be real, it's not always easy. Some women worry about seeming too pushy or aggressive, and that worry can hold them back from moving forward in their careers and getting [...]
Balance
In the fast-paced world of professional women, the juggling act of career, family, and personal life often takes a toll on mental health. The number one concern for many women in the workforce is the elusive work-life balance, or rather, the struggle to find equilibrium in a constantly demanding environment. Work-life balance is not just a catchphrase; it's a real and pressing issue that affects the mental well-being of [...]
Why not me?
When I was a little girl I used to dream of living in a Manhattan penthouse apartment, miles away from where I grew up. I didn't have a specific plan about what I would be doing for a career or if I would be married or even with a partner. All I knew was that I would live in New York City, high above the street and life would [...]
I Am Here to Help
My name is Dr. Bonnie Wims and I am here to help. Are you still trying to outrun your fear and prove your worth? If so, I see you. I know you. because this was me before I made friends with my demons and put them to work for me. In fact, I moved across the ocean to try and outrun them. But you see, no matter where you [...]
Happy Holiday Movie Time
It is that time again where some of us start watching our favorite holiday movies. Do you have a favorite or two? Many of us watch the same movies every year, in spite of knowing the entire plot and many of the lines by heart. Why do we do it? Well research says we do it for a couple of reasons. For some of us the old films trigger [...]
Jungle Frogs are built different
Let me set the scene for you. I’m in the jungle. I mean the real jungle in Costa Rica. I’m surrounded by strange noises in the dark. I can only see what my small head lamp is illuminating on the trail ahead of me, except for an occasional small light on the path. It is raining. I mean raining. It is more like there is a giant bucket above [...]
Post Covid
In February of 2020 I traveled to London, England where I facilitated several workshops and got a chance to visit with some friends. I used to live in London so it was lovely to visit. The reason I have such a vivid memory of the exact month I traveled is because it was the last time I would travel Pre-Covid, as many of us have begun to refer to [...]
Do I Have to Feel my Emotions?
I remember the day my father died. He had been sick with colon cancer and died quickly in the hospital only a few months after being diagnosed. My relationship with my father at that time was non-existent due to an abusive and alcohol fueled childhood. As an adult I did not include him in my life, and in fact didn’t think about him much at all. However, when he [...]
Anxiety as a Road Map
Ever hear a quiet voice way back in your head that is telling you things aren’t quite right? Maybe it floats in just as you are drifting off to sleep, and suddenly you are awake with a jolt? Or maybe the doubts show up when you are alone and there is no one to drown out the persistent nagging narrative inside your head? Or maybe it shows up whenever [...]
The Best Version of Me
I’ve always said that I learn as much from my clients as they do from me. The insights people share with me as they work on their mental health often inspire me and I believe help me to improve as a psychologist and a person. But ever so often people will share their dreams and goals and what they aspire to change and it also motivates me to take [...]
Hard Wired
Is it time to dig deep? A little over a week ago New York City hosted their annual marathon and I felt moved to go watch some of it. I purposely waited until the leaders finished and then I made my way toward Central Park in the early afternoon. As I neared the park, I began to hear the crowd cheering and the volume of people around me [...]
Fear
I'm afraid of boats. The picture here is me on a boat. You might not be able to tell from this picture but I don't like boats. In fact, I am afraid of boats. Well, I'm actually afraid of getting seasick on a boat, which happened to me on a whale watching trip. I was sick and trapped on a boat for hours. So naturally I am afraid [...]
There’s no place like home?
THERE’S NO PLACE LIKE HOME? In November of 2005, I left the United States and moved to London. I can still remember the site of my house in Massachusetts getting smaller and smaller out the back of the taxi window on that early chilly morning. Although I had been excited and motivated to move, I suddenly had a feeling of dizziness. As we were driving away from my Massachusetts [...]
Sunshine, pigeons, and anxiety
Sunshine Pigeons 3 men standing 6 feet apart from each other having a conversation on the sidewalk Several storefronts closed and dark My view from my home office window is different these days. Also gone is the sound of constant Manhattan traffic, the seemingly incessant sirens of police and ambulances, voices from commuters walking the sidewalk and the overall hum of a busy city street. Things are quiet (except [...]
Remembering 3 Things When Negotiating With Family During the Holidays
Negotiating where to go, which family to see, which traditions to include and what to leave out on the holidays can be tricky. Whether you are married or in a relationship that requires deciding which family you see for which holiday, or having to travel and needing to decide where and when to arrive, we can all be left feeling pushed and pulled in many directions. Feelings can get [...]
THE ONE THING TO REMEMBER IN ORDER TO THRIVE DURING THE HOLIDAYS
Several years ago when I had a young family, I attempted to host an extended family holiday dinner at my house. This is no small task, as I have 7 siblings and am the second to the youngest with several nieces and nephews too! I’m not sure what I was thinking about trying to take on this job but there I was, hosting over 25 people for the first [...]
Out Of Your Comfort Zone
Brene Brown describes the phrase “comfort zone” as “where our uncertainty, scarcity, and vulnerability are minimized-where we believe we will have access to enough love, food, talent, time, admiration. Where we feel we have some control.” When described like that, it is no wonder that we don’t like to leave this special place called the “comfort zone”. Why would we intentionally challenge ourselves to move beyond where we feel [...]
It Doesn’t Mean Anything
It’s Just Not Fair Have you ever said those words to yourself? Maybe a relationship you cared about ended without warning? Maybe you lost a job or didn’t get a promotion? Or maybe you just had some bad luck and despite your hard work something failed miserably? We can struggle during these times and we tell ourselves that it shouldn’t have happened to us because we tried really hard, [...]
Moving
I recently moved house. Having moved several times before, I felt confident I knew what was ahead of me and thought if I stayed organized and prepared everything would be ok. Initially things were going well and one by one all of the “to do” items on my list began to be checked off. However, as moves go, it wasn’t without some anxious moments and stressful events. Having to [...]
Breakups Top Tip #7 Lessons Learned
My first boyfriend was 6 years older than me and everyone loved him. My family thought he was good for me because he was stable and kind. My friends were jealous because where their boyfriends were immature kids, my boyfriend lived on his own with a stable job. He was all of these things and more. He was stable, he was kind and he was mature. He would take [...]
Top Tip #6 Take Care of Yourself
Immediately after a break up it is very common for us to go through a difficult time. We may feel stunned and disconnected from reality a bit. We may find our passion for things is greatly reduced. We may not feel excited about things as much and notice our energy level is much lower than normal. People describe wanting to sleep more, not sleep at all, drink more, eat [...]
Breakup Tip #5 Unhelpful Inner Voice
We all have that internal voice that speaks to us. Sometimes it can be helpful and be a guiding force in what choice to make in a situation. Other times it can be a running dialog of unhelpful chatter in our head that keeps us from making a decision. Is your internal voice filled with negative and judgmental statements about you? Are you thinking about all of the ways [...]
Breakup Tip #3 Acceptance
Change is hard at any time. We tend to avoid it because it brings up our insecurities and can require large amounts of confidence. When we are contemplating making a change we may question our ability to handle the change we are considering. A new job, a move, and even a hairstyle change can provoke anxiety. So add change into the mix when we are going through a breakup [...]
Breakup Tip #2-Be Honest
Have you ever had a good friend break up with someone you couldn’t stand? Suddenly you feel free to speak truthfully about what you think of that person. You tell your friend how their ex wasn’t good enough for them and how they always really annoyed you... AND THEN THEY GET BACK TOGETHER!!!! It can be so awkward to have had the honest conversation with someone only to find [...]
Breakups
A relationship breakup can be extremely painful and difficult to recover from. Many of us have gone through it and although there is no one right answer, there are some tips we can all use to help us survive. I get asked for advice on how to “get over a breakup” frequently and unfortunately there are no easy answers and there is no one way. However, there are things [...]
I can just live with it
Years ago I began to get a nagging pain in my leg. At times it would randomly feel better but rarely if ever was the pain completely gone. Even when the sharp pain wasn’t around, the ache was present, like a shadow or a warning that the pain was still there, waiting to strike when I least expected it. The pain wasn’t remarkable, I’m sure many people have felt [...]
Is it Happiness I am looking for?
I woke up happy today. The feeling of excitement and possibility mixed with a dash of contentment was humming inside my chest when I opened my eyes today. As I made coffee the feeling continued, making the chore effortless. As the milk warmed and I heard the steady stream of coffee percolating, I took a deep breath and enjoyed the moment. But then my mind started to [...]
Therapy? 4 Mental Health Facts You Must Know
When I was 15 years old I was sent to see a psychologist. Although it wasn’t my idea, my family situation was complicated and as I remember it the adults in my life thought it might be helpful. I wasn’t exactly against the idea, and I do remember being curious to see what was “supposed” to happen to me during this thing called “therapy”. My therapist was a [...]
Therapist or Life Coach?
The other day I was having a conversation with someone about their therapy experience and I asked them what it was they found most and least helpful about the process. They shared many useful insights but there was one thing they mentioned that I felt was very interesting. They mentioned they wished they had a therapist that worked both as a therapist and as a life coach. We went [...]
Therapy on the go!
While on a treadmill recently I listened to a podcast, reviewed my emails, and caught up on the family news with my sister. As I looked around the gym I noticed I wasn’t the only one. Many people were multitasking while exercising and it made me think about how much technology has changed the way we perform our everyday tasks. We have all adjusted to the convenience of having [...]
Find Something
I was inspired this week by a quote that read in part, “find something deep within yourself that is truly you and cling to it” I wasn’t initially sure why it was so inspiring or why it spoke to me but as I found myself repeatedly going back to re-read the quote, I began to ask myself a few questions. How do I look within myself? How do I [...]
Asking
I’ve been thinking a lot about asking lately. Asking for what you need from someone else. I don’t know about you but there are times when I seem to think I should get a badge of honor for going without what I need. I recently heard myself say, “I’m finally asking because I’m desperate”. Why did I have to get desperate? The problem as I see it is we [...]
A pit in my stomach…have I done the right thing?
Moving to another country was filled with many emotions, but for me excitement and anxiety were at the top of the list. It was a slow build of excitement/anxiety in my belly as I moved toward the big day. Why do you suppose we experience anxiety when we are voluntarily moving? Is it fear of the unknown or just excitement mixed with fear of change? For me I believe [...]
There’s no place like home?
In November of 2005, I left the United States and moved to London. I can still remember the site of my house in Massachusetts getting smaller and smaller out the back of the taxi window on that early chilly morning. Although I had been excited and motivated to move, I suddenly had a feeling of dizziness. As we were driving away from my Massachusetts ‘home’, another part of me [...]
