My name is Dr. Bonnie Wims and I am here to help.
Are you still trying to outrun your fear and prove your worth? If so, I see you. I know you. because this was me before I made friends with my demons and put them to work for me. In fact, I moved across the ocean to try and outrun them. But you see, no matter where you are in the world; no matter where you are in your life; no matter where you are in your head; your demons remain right there with you.
When I was little, I had to navigate the unintelligible world of an alcoholic and abusive father. I survived this trauma as a child by adapting to my environment and staying small, and hidden.Here’s the thing, though– I may have grown up and left this environment, but my maladaptive way of being didn’t. My circumstances changed, but I continued to believe I needed to retreat when I was scared. As a result, I lacked self-confidence and a sense of worth whenever I felt fear.
I moved from the suburbs of Colorado, met, and fell in love with a wonderful man and had two children. We moved first to Boston, Massachusetts and then to London, England. I went on to college in London, England, and gained a degree in Counseling Psychology. I proved over and over I could do the hard things I set my mind to but nothing I did convinced my insecurities and self-doubt that I was worthy. My fears weren’t ready to be put out of a job. With every challenge, whether it was moving out of the country, completing a doctorate, or building a private practice, I was unable to let go of the internal voice that reminded me to be afraid and filled me with the desire to hide. I battled the internal dialog of these old, old friends only to let the fear they embodied lead the way time and time again.
I thought London would be the perfect European adventure. I imagined a whole new me, free of my insecurities and doubts, enjoying this amazing city and all that it had to offer. Unfortunately, my doubts followed me. They followed me to school, to work, reminding me to be afraid.
It wasn’t until I began my own therapy that I began to understand how I was allowing my past to inform my present.In therapy, I finally sat down and confronted my fears instead of battling them. I not only met them, but I became friends with them; I might even say I fell in love with them. All this time they were only trying to protect me the best way they knew how but it was time I stopped letting them run the show. I realized the gifts that my demons had to offer when I was in control. Where I was sensitive, I saw my intuition. Where I retreated, I appreciated my listening skills. Where I felt fear, I developed my bravery. As I challenged my insecurities, I became able to hear others.
It took work, a lot of work and it wasn’t easy. But it was worth it. It changed the way I live, the way I see myself and the way I can be confident and compassionate in my life.
